Back in the 70’s when I was a long and lanky grade school kid growing up in Indianapolis, I always dreaded my Catholic school’s yearly talent show. The first audition posters plastering the school hallways made me shudder with fear and loathing. I not only lacked a talent of any variety but I was also alarmingly uncoordinated. And to top it off I was a bit of a nerd. At my school, the talent show could make or break your reputation.
Somehow over the years, I conveniently blocked out all of the talent shows I ever entered. That was until last week when I was sitting in the front row of the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza Ballroom in Los Angeles, California, waiting for my turn to perform in an international talent contest for people who do school visits.
“How did I end up here?” I asked myself as I waited for my name to be called in the Society for Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators School Talk “Idol” Competition. I just finished my first novel for middle grade students and attended the conference to learn more about the publishing world and have a go at the talent show for big kids.
I instantly flashed back to fourth grade - Molly Murphy and Mindy Magin were on stage next to me dressed up as big black ants. I stood between them both sporting a large and leafy rubbertree plant costume. My friends danced on stage and sang: “Just what makes that little old ant think he can move that rubbertree plant? Any one knows that an ant can’t move a rubbertree plant...”
My part in the performance was to stand perfectly still while Molly and Mindy, the ants, shoved me, the rubbertree plant, and tried to move me. That’s the only talent show I can remember probably because it was the only one I ever enjoyed. Since I couldn’t sing or dance, the part of a mute and stubborn rubbertree plant was made for me.
Thankfully, even though I was a little nervous, I also felt pretty confident about my part in my one woman performance for the 2006 School Talk Idol competition. This year I have done over 80 talks on dog mushing and the Iditarod Sled Dog Race so I was comfortable with the information and stories. But there was one huge difference between this competition and my other talks; I was not allowed to have a “partner” on stage with me. In other words, my dog, Borage, would have to stay at home.
This was the first talk in 6 years that I’ve done without Borage by my side. It’s funny - Borage doesn’t say a word and he just sleeps on stage while I talk, but I still felt very alone without my silent sidekick.
The rules for the Idol competition were simple. Performers had exactly 3 minutes to give the audience a feel for their entire one hour school talk. The talk should be both entertaining and educational. No problem, right? After all, we did have 3 whole minutes to stun the crowd with our brilliance.
At the end of all of my school talks, I usually dress up a student or teacher as a dog musher so the group can get an idea of the dozens of layers (literally) I wear to keep from freezing. I decided to do this part of my talk at the Idol competition. It was educational and always amusing to see a kid standing on stage bulked up like a cross between a sumo wrestler and the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
During the first round of competition, I planted my roommate from the conference, Miriam, in the audience and had her ready to leap onto stage in a second’s notice; we were allowed to ask for volunteers from the audience. I successfully dressed Miriam up as an Iditarod dog musher in the allotted 3-minutes and was chosen as one of six performers (out of 48 total) to go onto the final.
The School Talk Idol Competition was the finale at the end of the four-day conference. As I was sitting and waiting for my 3-minutes of fame, I whispered to Miriam, “It feels like I’m back in my grade school talent show dressed up like a rubbertree plant waiting to go onto stage.” And in a way, I was - all of us were. And that was the fun part about it - children’s book writers and illustrators are required to hold on to their youth - all of the joys, insecurities, fears, and dreams - so we can write about it in a way that is real to kids. Sitting there, I didn’t feel much different than when I was in fourth grade.
I came in second place; a talented and very coordinated man who rode a unicycle came in first. I’m moving up in the world; my role as a rubbertree plant didn’t even put me in the top six. And I have an excuse - if Borage would have been with me, he would have stole the show.
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